The other evening I went out to a very nice dinner with some people. It was lavish, and the people I went with were fellow business people who were being dined by the same sales rep. So it was lavish, and delicious and quite decadent. I enjoyed myself immensely, the food was succulent, the wine tasted of blackberries and pepper, and the souffle at the end was light and airy and perfect. One could get used to eating like that if one could get used to weighing 100 pounds more than they currently weigh.
The company was enjoyable too - I want to preface that before going on here, because I'm merely making an observation on a conversation I found curious. Through the course of talking, I revealed that I was a pastor's daughter, and instantly the conversation changed. They weren't uncomfortable with it because I had already proved myself to be an open, engaging conversationalist, but the conversation did change. Instantly it became focused on the lavishness of the meal, and guilt started to surface within the dialogue.
The discussion started with how one really couldn't eat like this every day, and then it went to justification; stating that if one CAN, then one probably should eat like this occasionally because life is short and we work hard, and then - most interesting of all...one of the individuals speaking acknowledged the fact that there were individuals starving in third world countries..."but I give to charities, so let them eat whatever they're going to eat and I'm going to enjoy my meals!!!"
There was slightly uncomfortable chuckling, and the tide of the conversation turned to other things, but it hung with me and left me feeling a little dirty....because while giving to charities was all well and good....if you've actually seen a starving person, and breathed the hopelessness of the situation, you could never say 'let them eat whatever they're going to eat'.
But then, I think another aspect that made me uncomfortable was that he was merely voicing what I and the American culture say every day in our actions: We'll do what we want to do, regardless of the consequences.
At what point does one draw the line between guilt and conscience? Guilt seems to imprison and conscience seems to lead someone to enacting change - but what if the change that needs to happen is so big that the conscience turns into guilt because there really isn't enough acting to change that kind of problem?
I thought about that quite a bit the next day, the distinction, and how fine it actually is. Something like hunger is much larger than a lavish meal would ever solve. But is excess, even occasionally, justifiable? If I really choose to live my life in a manner that is consistent to living alongside all of humanity and embracing their problems as our problem....when the 'THEM' becomes 'US'; is stepping out for even an evening tolerable, or does that just allow a respite that others don't have the luxury of taking?
I don't feel guilty about the meal, I simply find the spin-offs from that conversation interesting to think about, because for me, it starts to ask some though-provoking questions.
